1. In the early chapters of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, Trish
spends a lot of time looking for answers in books on how to fix relationships, or how to “do” spirituality.
Do you think this is unusual? What role do books and/or expert authors play in influencing our search for the life we want
in our society?
2. Trish is horrified by a magazine article she reads about women
who had made peace with their apparent destiny as spinsters. Have you read similar articles? What do you think of the
choices they suggest?
3. Trish rushes into a bad marriage convinced that, with enough
effort, she could make it work. How common do you think this is? What do you make of her observation that, as
bad as her marriage was, it was still easier than being single?
4. Why do you think Trish was so drawn to New Age and self-help
promises? Why was it so hard for her to face the fact that the spiritual practices she’d immersed herself in weren’t
working?
5. At different times in the book, Trish hears God speaking to her
(in a voice that’s vaguely reminiscent of James Earl Jones). Have you ever had a similar experience? If
yes, how did you respond? If no, do you think such a thing is possible?
6. For most of her life, Trish’s interactions with Christians
were singularly unhelpful—a woman shouting at her through a bullhorn in the subway station that she was going to hell,
or some earnest students handing out pamphlets in Harvard Square about eternal damnation. She says, “None of them
asked me, in their attempts to sell their faith, what was going on in my life—what was missing or what I was searching
for. … None of them suggested that Jesus could help me here and now.” What do you make of this?
7. Trish didn’t think following Jesus was possible where she
lived in the Northeast because of the cultural differences she saw between contemporary American Christianity and the world
she lived in. Do you think it’s possible to be into Jesus and not become “a Christian” in this context?
8. When she starts the Forty Days of Faith, Trish pointedly ignores
the advice she’d received about how she should be happy (or pretend to be) without a husband. What do you think
of this choice?
9. On page 220, Trish describes the different kinds of pearls she’s
seen—some rare and treasured, some fake. How do you think women value themselves today in terms of dating?
Exquisite and valuable, or expendable and easily replaced? What is the result?
10. Why is the story of Ruth so inspiring to Trish? What encouragement
or guidance does it offer women? Men?
11. What do you think of the cardboard-and-glue imagery Dave uses
to describe the bond that happens when we have sex?
12. Why do you think Trish fell for Adam, even though he was so
much like her ex-husband?
13. A trip to Victoria’s Secret sets off a new level of insecurity
for Trish regarding how she looks compared to models and actresses. She describes how Steve’s reassurances—while
appreciated—didn’t help her conquer this fear. Have you felt this way? What do you think of the response
Brian offered in that conversation?
14. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not is structured a bit like a fairy
tale—a quest for “happily ever after.” It seems as if Trish finds this fabled land, which runs contrary
to so much in our society that says there’s no such place. What do you think of the idea that “happily ever
after” might be possible?
